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Because I Said Yes
Dear Mom, I asked the kids today what it feels like when I say no to them. Scotland said, “It feels like I don’t get ice cream. Like a beautiful parrot gets trapped in a bird cage.” Idris said, “It… Continue reading
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Therapy Room
Dear Mom, I’ve been looking at your old journals again. I found an entry where you spoke about all the things you did during your day to keep your mind off your diagnosis. Particularly in the end after the tumor… Continue reading
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Unpacking My Layers of Regret
Dear Mom, When I was a teenager, you told me that I too often surrounded myself with broken people. That I’d seek out friends who needed help. Who needed to be fixed. Did it ever occur to you that I… Continue reading
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Learning Together
Dear Mom, The last few weeks, I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want my life to look like. Not my ‘in 5 years’ goal. Not my ‘at my deathbed’ goal. Rather, my ‘right now, today, tomorrow, in the… Continue reading
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See You Next Time
Dear Mom, We did it. We went to Chicago. We had a wonderful visit, but I can’t seem to kick this feeling that I failed you. That it wasn’t enough. I dreamt of this trip to your city. Envisioned taking… Continue reading
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See You Soon
Dear Mom, I’m flying my kids to Chicago this week. It’s been a while since I’ve spent time in the city. Since I’ve come home. Chicago still feels like home to me. My birthplace. Your birthplace. Both of my kids… Continue reading
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Living My Legacy
Dear Mom, Before you got sick, how often did you think about dying? Did you ever? Was it a fear you had? I don’t remember ever talking to you about death. Not until the very end. By then it was… Continue reading
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I’m Ready to Return my Buyer’s Remorse
Dear Mom, When I was growing up, I often watched you while you sat on the couch. Legs stretched out long in your corner. Watching TV with a checkbook in your hands. “What are you doing?” I’d ask. “Balancing the… Continue reading
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Progress Not Perfection
Dear Mom, Did you ever contemplate your success as a parent? As of a week ago, I would have said it’s my biggest strength. Being a mom, since the very beginning, has been the one part of my life where… Continue reading
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Challenge Accepted
Dear Mom, Have you ever felt like there was something you couldn’t do? Have you ever stopped yourself out of a fear of failure or assumption that it wasn’t achievable? Have you ever done it anyway and surprised yourself? Accomplished… Continue reading
Sober Letters to Mom 