Dear Mom,

We’re three weeks into the new year and I’ve got to say, it’s been rough. I don’t want to get into all of the details here. You know about some of it. The rest is political, and I don’t want to spend my energy writing about it. I’ll likely need to later. But not today.

Instead, I want to talk about what I plan to do to survive the news cycles to come.

I’m well aware that things in our country, and in the world, will keep getting worse in many ways. I anticipate outrageous headlines and mindboggling tweets and infuriating actions. I also anticipate more wars and more natural disasters and more mass shootings and more terrorist attacks. Afterall, if we’re not willing to change anything at all then we will continue down this dark path.

In the past, I’ve allowed these moments to get to me. I’ve opened myself up to allow the words and actions of terrible men to burrow under my skin. I’ve lost sleep over this shit, and I can’t afford that anymore. That’s not to say I’m ignoring the dumpster fires of the world; I’m still going to fight for the rights of people who are most at risk and I’m going to face it all head on, but I refuse to use all of my energy on this mess. I definitely don’t want to write about it. At least not today.

Going forward, I plan to focus as much of my energy as possible on the one thing in my life that is consistently good. The one aspect I have some control over. My one source of true happiness. My family. Perhaps if I can spend more time being present with them it’ll inspire me in a more positive way. Maybe it can help remind me of the good that still exists in this world.

But I’m struggling to figure out how to be present while things fall apart at the same time. How do I hold focus?

I think one of the most challenging aspects of parenting in today’s climate is that we’re expected to be one hundred percent present with our children as the world literally burns around us. How are we supposed to sustain that? How are we supposed to show up for them? Do we need to pretend like everything is fine so we can be the parents our kids need instead of the anxious, depressed, terrified, nauseous adults we really are? Do we need to bottle up the fear and worry and sadness for the future?

I know this isn’t the first time in history that the world has been on fire. I mean, it does feel like the worst case considering it’s firing on all cylinders but I’m hardly the first parent to ever ask these questions. So, I wonder, Mom, how did you handle this? How did you juggle parenting during dark times? How did you balance the exhaustion and depletion of focusing on bad news while being energetic and positive for us?

Were you even successful? I’m not sure you were. I’m not sure it’s even possible. But I do know you tried your best. Despite the crumbling of the world at large during the time. I mean, you did parent during a time when we all sat around the TV and watched footage of riots, war, OJ’s trial, Princess Diana’s death, Clinton’s impeachment, 911, more war, and devastating hurricanes and tsunamis. It was never easy to be present for kids while the world burned. But you still tried your best. I know you did.

I also know that the world news is worse now. It simply is. Natural disasters are bigger and more catastrophic. World leaders are unabashedly evil and destructive. More innocent people are being slaughtered. More crisis and chaos. More access to images. Real images. Fake images. Information overload alongside misinformation. It’s just more devastating now. More all-consuming and entirely exhausting. This is what parents today are grappling with. How do we manage it? How do we function?

I’m not sure yet but I must find a way to block out the noise so I can be here for my family. I want my kids to have memories of their mom spending quality time with them despite the darkness of the world. Despite feeling depleted and overwhelmed. I want to sit and play with them without being distracted by the hatred of the world. Without checking the headlines and the comments on social media. Without wondering how the darkness will be fixed. I want to be present.

So, this is my new plan going forward. I will be aware of the news. To not turn a blind eye. To acknowledge the ugliness of this world. I will then take that information and use it to find ways to help the world heal. To volunteer in communities that need me. To be better than the hateful people who are so loud. Beyond that, I plan to spend the rest of my time and my energy on my kids. On my husband. On myself. On my family. I will put effort into strengthening these relationships and honing my skills as a wife, mother, and friend. Because it seems this is all that I can control. How I choose to interact with those around me. How I choose to present myself in this world. How I choose to spend my time and expend my energy. Because, though so much of human choice is being taken away, I can in actuality still choose who to be. And I choose to be the best version of myself. To go all in on my family. To strive for a better world in my own small way.

I love you, Mom.

Love,

Rachel